托福23分写作到底长什么样

　　托福23分写作到底长什么样？在教学过程中经常会有学生问到说“老师，请问您给我的XX分是怎么来的呢？”学生很期待地看着我，希望知道文章是因为哪些问题而一点点地从30分扣到了XX分。严格来讲，作文的评分是需要依据评分标准的，我们以4分（即24分）为例，的标准如下。
　　托福评分标准
　　Addresses the topic and task well, though some points may not be fully elaborated.
　　Is generally well organized and well developed, using appropriate and sufficient explanations, exemplifications, and/or details.
　　Displays unity, progression, and coherence, though it may contain occasional redundancy, digression, or unclear connections.
　　Displays facility in the use of language, demonstrating syntactic and range of vocabulary, though it will probably have occasional noticeable minor errors in structure, word form, or use of idiomatic language that do not interfere with meaning.
　　但从实操角度来讲，老师大致看一下学生的作文就能以小于2分的误差准确给出与学生能力匹配的分数了。
　　老师是怎么做到的？
　　老师阅学生无数，对照学生的习作和考试分数自然就知道什么样的作文对应什么样的分数了！
　　一起来读一篇23分的学生习作：
　　题目：It is more important for students to understand ideas and concepts than it is for them to learn facts.
　　Paragraph 1
　　It is important for students to understand ideas and concepts than it is for them to learn facts.[1]Generally speaking, study idea and conceptscanimproveour study skill, help us createinnovativeideas andofferus keyinsightabout theframeworkof courses. [2]
　　[1] 赞：清晰地表明立场
　　[2] 赞：给出合理的解释（improve study skill，help create innovative ideas，offer insight）
　　Paragraph 2
　　When learning ideas and concepts, students spend more time understanding the knowledge, rather than just memorizing.It can help them improve study skills[1], which are essential to their further graduate research.If students only remember dates and events in history class, they will forget quickly and cannot grasp the historical significance of events, which foster their ability to think, imagine and summarize the information.[2]However, if they try to understand the ideas, they can learn about the facts in a effective way, because it is easier to form logical connection among varies facts.[3]All in all, the study of ideas and concepts facilitate students’ study ability.[4]

　　[1] 赞：此处为Paragraph1解释里的一个点
　　[2] 赞：反面论证
　　[3] 赞：正面论证
　　[4] 赞：清晰的总结句
　　Paragraph 3
　　Students can pop outnumeriousnumerous innovative thinking[1]when they emphasize ideas in study. After they have a better understanding of the knowledge, they may be more creative andcritical [2].Considering a course I have taken named “A cultural history of 20th century America through music”, I found that Ibenefita lot from the methods professor introduced.Instead oflearning tremendous songs and musicians in certain historic period, he provided me with the thinking model of “music and culture”.That means I am expected [3] tounderstand and realize the link between music and its cultural background. In this process, I learned more about the background of music [4], which gave memore insights [5]about the theme of the songs, and also its historical value. I began to think independently about the impact of history on music, which benefits me a lot. In conclusion, studying concepts and ideas boost my creative thinking.
　　[1] 赞：此处为Paragraph1解释里的第二个点
　　[2] 逻辑问题：此处“critical”是一个在Paragraph1里没有提及的点。
　　[3] 赞：用了被动语态（passive voice）使论述更客观，非常赞！
　　[4] 逻辑问题：此处没有照应主题句里的innovation thinking。
　　[5] 赞：此处为Paragraph1解释里的第二个点里的关键词。
　　这个学生的英文水平其实是非常好的。一些非常具体的名词和形容词，诸如 ”“insights” “framework” “logical” “critical”“significance”，有在文中体现。此外，学生不仅鲜少有语法问题，句式多样性做得也很好。