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2019年07月15日 12:38:10

题目取自雅思作文常考话题,对同学们的一个作文主体段进行修改,然后给出范例主体段。目的在于帮助大家发现自己的作文问题并提升表达。想知道自己作文问题出在哪里吗?想了解怎么提升自己的表达写好作文吗?

  题目取自雅思作文常考话题,对同学们的一个作文主体段进行修改,然后给出范例主体段。目的在于帮助大家发现自己的作文问题并提升表达。想知道自己作文问题出在哪里吗?想了解怎么提升自己的表达写好作文吗?
  学习方法:
  1. 阅读学生的初始版本,找出你认为需要修改的地方;
  2. 阅读升级后的版本,并且读懂老师所作出的修改;
  3.阅读范文版本,积累高分表达。
  4. 针对该话题写一段自己的主体段(但不要使用范文观点)
  本期话题
  Some people think that the appearance of a building is more important than its function.
  Do you agree or disagree?
  初始版本
  学生的一个主体段,论述建筑外形的重要性:
  It is true that a good appearance of a building has numerous advantages.Firstly, aesthetically designed buildings can bring more visitors. Buildings which are well-designed are likely to attract more attention.There is no doubt that a glamorous appearance often can arouse people’s interest to know more about their inner world. This concern can also be applied in the design of architecture. Secondly, the outward appearance of a building should be taken into consideration so that the building can blend into its surroundings. It is difficult for the public to accept that building a modern skyscraper near a traditional garden. Designing a building that is not in harmony with its surroundings will get enormous complaints from local people.
  升级版本
  学生主体段的升级版:
  It is reasonable for people to pay much attention to the appearance of a building.Firstly, aesthetically designed buildings canattractmore visitorswhenserving as tourist attractionsand therefore generate more profits. There is no doubt that aglamorous buildingoften can arouse people’s interest to know more about itsinner world. The Glasgow Cathedral, for example, one ofthe most revered Gothic buildingsin the world, attracts thousands of tourists every year and promotes local tourism in Scotland. Secondly, the outward appearance of a building should be taken into consideration so that the building can blend into its surroundings. It is difficult for the public to accepta modern skyscraper erecting beside a traditional garden. Designing a building that is not in harmony with its surroundings will receive enormous complaintsfrom local people.
  1. 语法错误修正:
  去掉不必要的从句
  复杂句语法错误
  2. 逻辑调整:原中心句与论证不够相关
  3. 句子结构调整和升级
  范文版本
  老师的一个主体段,论述建筑外形的重要性:

  The increasingly competitive market and the environment people live in together make the appearance of a propertyvitally important. First, a pleasantappearanceof a building can help impress visitors, attract new tenants,retain current clients, andthusmaximize asset value. This can explain why most designers and investors always striveto construct recreational buildingsto be visually or restfully pleasant, if not extravagantly beautiful. Second, a building’s appearance can surely affect the local environment as it constructs part of the atmosphere. Stunning cosmetic architectural featurescan illuminatea boring neighborhood, while ugly buildings are vehementlydisapprovedof by local population.
  高分表达
  1. vitally important
  十分重要
  2. apleasant appearance
  令人愉快的外表
  3. retain current clients
  留住现有的客人
  4. strive v.
  奋力
  5. recreational buildings
  休闲功能的建筑
  6. cosmetic architectural features
  装饰性建筑特征
  7. illuminate adj.
  照亮、使好看
  8. vehemently adv.
  激烈地、拼命地

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